Items I bought while I was moderately drunk and momentarily believed in magic: Smooth Away

Oh man. This product does not work. Believe me. Have you ever deliberately rubbed sandpaper across your skin? Well, imagine doing that, except with really, really weak sandpaper. Like, sandpaper that needs to be thrown away, but you haven't yet because you got too distracted listening to Hall & Oates records. Look, if you really feel that your life is so busy that you don't have enough time to shower and shave your body hair off the conventional way via razor, then I think its time to loosen up your schedule. I really wanted to believe in Smooth Away. For a moment, when I was gleefully opening the package and had been purposefully putting off shaving my legs in anticipation for SOME REAL SERIOUS MAGIC, I hadn't even for one moment thought that it could be a) disasterous and painful and b) a complete waste of fucking time. The moral of this story is that I really have to stop buying things that are only advertised on tv and also, I have to stop having a child-like sense of wonder.