I lied when I told my friend I wouldn't be sitting at home in a "mope fest." So far it's true. I took a cold shower and layed down in the dark for a while. It's hot and my face is wet from the tears and the sweat.
I didn't get the job. No big deal right?
I agree. I shouldn't take it personally. It seems that everyone in the state of Oregon is looking for a job right now, it's all just par for the course.
But. I'M QUALIFIED.
I've been running down the checklist in my head, trying to figure out what it is. Why I'm not getting any bites. Is it my age? Should I be disclosing my age in interviews because employers think I'm a lot younger than I am? Is it the way I interview? Do I smell bad? Do I always have something in my teeth? GAH.
I used to take getting a job for granted. It was really easy for me. I would turn in my resume and usually get a call back the same week. I would listen to my friends complain about not hearing back about anything or getting rejected. I would put a hand on their shoulder and buy them a drink and secretly pat myself on the back for being so lucky and awesome and employed. Now I'm that friend and all of my employed friends are probably thinking the same thing. They should. They should enjoy it while it lasts.
I don't sleep much anymore because there is always a job to apply for. There is always a job site I haven't perused all the way through. Craigslist used to be my friend and then it stopped posting jobs everyday and I thought we had something. Now it never returns my phone calls.
I go in and out of sleep, dreaming of showing up nude to job interviews while everyone stares horrified at me and I just stand there and go "what?" Rachael Ray cooks "Wurst Burgers" and I watch WALL-E on the movie channel for the 30th time. I'm getting tired of the Baskin Robin's "ice cream cake" commercial, but I still laugh every time because laughing feels good and dancing robots let me briefly forget that I can't pay my rent for August.
I know all of this will pass. I know things are meant to be and that I have to get through this challenge in order for the good stuff to happen.
I know that there is a pot of gold at the end of that top ramen rainbow. I have to believe that.
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1 comment:
Hey Autumn,
I have been in the exact same boat. I just got a job offer on Friday that I will start at the end of August, which is great news, but I was really scared before. I'd been unemployed since early June and had been looking for work since before then. No savings. Partner has no savings and has reduced summer hours.
Totally scary shit and I am feeling for you. I definitely had a chance to shift my perspectve a little, though, and I'd be happy to share that with you if you want.
I'm sorry for where you're at right now, though I have total confidence that fucked economy or not, you won't be there too much longer.
Hugs,
Teressa
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